One thing everyone wants is “their way”.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone agreed with you?
But they don’t.
If you have relationships, you are going to have disagreements. Sometimes they will be minor, but occasionally they’ll be substantial, and feelings will get hurt or larger problems will appear. And since most of us look to avoid problems, we fall into the trap of avoiding difficult conversations.
This is a terrible cycle. We hold it all in until we can’t any longer. This usually leads to us launching into an argument with the sole intention of defending ourselves, rather than to resolve anything.
Leading instead to feeling guilty for the things that were said and a need to apologize once the dust settles.
So, if that’s what you want to do (I really hope it’s not!), learn from these 7 ways to lose every argument. I’ve personally tested them all and they all work.
- Make it personal – No matter what the problem is, talk about the person you are arguing with. Look for ways to blame them personally, by name if possible. Use “YOU” and “YOUR” regularly. Specifically refer to their character, personal appearance, and personality.
- Raise the roof – When all else fails, if they just aren’t hearing you, say it louder. In fact, if you want to really convince them, yell and repeat. If they aren’t convinced you are right, your neighbors will be.
- Call in the general – Always use always and never stop using never when trying to make your point. These are fantastic ways to change a person from being disinterested in the argument to bring some passion to the relationship. It opens the argument too because we all know that no one always or never does anything; now they can make things up about you.
- Keep score – Don’t just disagree when you can argue. Don’t just focus on the current problem when you can remind them of everything they have said or done in the relationship that you didn’t like. This is a sure way to make every disagreement into a full-fledged argument.
- Start with assumptions – Instead of beginning with a question like “Why did you do ___?” Instead, start with a statement grounded in assumptions of their motives, something like “You always give me bad evaluations because you are jealous of my talent!” Remember you are the smartest person in the room.
- Dig in – You remember the saying… winners never quit, and quitters never win. This applies to relationships, right… even arguing in relationships. Decide before you start that there is no line you won’t cross to make your point. Argue every point. Never compromise. Besides, it is all about winning.
- Don’t say it – This one almost always works (meaning rarely, if ever) give them the silent treatment. I don’t mean just don’t argue, I’m talking about ignoring them, giving the cold shoulder, refusing eye contact and if you most start with an eye roll. For this to be most effective, use it when the other person is sharing something important or personal.
In all seriousness, while we are all guilty of these from time to time, it’s best to see it in the moment and remember why the relationship is important and how we can improve the situation and resolve the disagreement.
More on that later though.
